I’m feeling kind of funny…

Today for the first time in about 20 years I feel fit; not fit like an athlete feels, not fit for purpose, but fit for a fat man.

On Sunday I managed to coax my frame around a 12.5 mile course so today I went out for a short four mile run (’short four mile run’ being a phrase I would have regarded as oxymoronic a month ago) and it seemed, well not to be vainglorious, easy.

But I suppose it was only easy because it wasn’t 12.5 miles.

Friends, family and colleagues have been very encouraging about my marathon efforts so far but a recurring theme is ‘ don’t become a health bore will you?’ which is their polite way of saying I already am.

But can you recite in descending order the calorific content of the eight different fruits in your fruit bowl? Ha! Bore. Me?

Goggle at Google

Thanks to those who have pointed out that this blog is the number one search result in Google for ‘one fat athlete’ as well as ‘highly tuned athlete’.

I will leave those who know me to decide which is the more apt.

Two days training and already number one!

Guess what the first result is if you type ‘highly tuned athlete’ into Google. Yes, that’s right me, or rather this blog.

Only two posts and I’ve hit the top of Google; isn’t the Internet a wonderful thing?

Well no actually. If you have arrived here searching for highly tuned athletes then I think you should leave.

It shouldn’t happen to a highly tuned athlete

OK I’m not highly tuned, or even an athlete, but I have begun my marathon training in earnest and it has had the most unfortunate consequences; my head has caught fire.

I have eschewed all alcohol, curries, chocolate and everything else I enjoy, and started jogging regularly but when I woke up this morning it felt like someone had put a match to my face.

During the day, my skin got tighter, redder and hotter until I resembled a semi-cooked prune wrapped in cling film.

As this was a slightly unexpected side effect to my get fit campaign I popped into the doctor’s for a quick diagnosis.

It appears my body has developed an allergic reaction. Unfortunately the doctor could not identify the allergen, but as the only change to my diet has been a reduction of a bottle of wine a day, chocolate and pies, I suggested I must be allergic to healthy living.

He thought this unlikely and prescribed me some antihistamines instead.

But you can’t be too careful. I plan on being the only marathon runner sporting a hip flask and Cornish pastie come April 13th.